This is not a bar! It’s an outhouse serving Miller Lite! And that’s the worst beer to serve! No bar should serve Miller Lite (or any beer for that matter)! Do you know what happens when you drink beer? “Local Man Dies From Alcohol Overdose, But Nobody Misses Him Because He Was A Wino!” Is that what you want to do with your life? Get drunk and die and be known as a wino for all of history? Only winos want to do that! Quit being a wino and you won’t die (you wino)!
This is easily the worst picture of them all! How do you mess up sitting down? This girl had any number of places to sit down, and the place she chose was one without color! And she just sat right down on the ground, which is ant-language for “Let’s crawl all over her!” And they’ll do it! It’s because they don’t have jobs! This is why ants are the most unproductive members of society! At least bees make honey. Replace all ants with bees! Then I can have honey all the time! GET YOUR OWN HONEY! It was MY idea, so I get it all!
I can’t STAND it anymore! All of this failure is unbearable! Start thinking the next time you do something and maybe you won’t suck at it! But you’ve already forgotten what I just said! Your memory is so horrible like that! Why did I think I could trust you? I hate you! I hate you more than you have ever hated anything in your life! Even when you try to hate something you still do it wrong! YOU’RE ALL…
We apologize for the interruption, and now rejoin the 24 Hours of A Christmas Story marathon, already in progress. (Yes, he has just finished eating soap.)