Everyone Is Doing Everything Wrong – Part 2

by Matt on October 1, 2009 · 30 comments

Loser Who Posted This: jefield (via Flickr)

Loser Who Posted This: jefield (via Flickr)

Washing dishes on your own? Do I even need to say how you’re doing it wrong? Why should you have to work so hard? Here’s how to do it right!

1. Give a servant money to wash your dishes.

There! It’s a simple program anyone with a job can follow! If you had a job, you wouldn’t be doing dishes, would you? So go get a job! But it’d better not be an important job! You’re probably not qualified to do anything important, like talking to other people! Why are we even speaking to each other? This discussion is over!

Loser Who Posted This: pedrosimoes7 (via Flickr)

Loser Who Posted This: pedrosimoes7 (via Flickr)

No no no no no! How many times do I have to tell you this? Do not lie on anything and kiss each other! It usually leads to sex, which usually leads to guilt, which usually leads to a bear attacking you because you had sex in the forest! Bears hate sex and will do anything to interrupt it! Are you wearing your bear repellent bands? No? Then go put them on! And then get a job!

Loser Who Posted This: spaceodissey (via Flickr)

Loser Who Posted This: spaceodissey (via Flickr)

Stop it! That is inappropriate wear for a wedding, young lady! Those flowers are not the proper accessory for that dress! You’re teaching that young girl incorrect flower values! Next thing you know she’ll be running around with daisies in her hands when it’s not justified! Did you even think about the consequences? Of course you didn’t, because you won’t stop talking to BRAD, you unfaithful harlot! Stop running from me! I need to slap you. Stand still and take it!

Loser Who Posted This: *clarity* (via Flickr)

Loser Who Posted This: *clarity* (via Flickr)

What kind of image is this? I can’t even see the left half of this boy’s face! This boy’s left face has been captured by Diablo! That’s why he’s yelling at you! “Mommy, a demon won’t let go of my left face because I didn’t get a job!” And she’s too busy running around with daisies in her hand to notice! Demon face-grabbing has to stop! I’m tired of demons making a half-hearted attempt to possess people! Do it right or don’t do it at all, you slackers! Read a book on how to do it right – How To Possess People So You Don’t Get Laughed At!

Loser Who Posted This: Heungsub (via Flickr)

Loser Who Posted This: Heungsub (via Flickr)

You don’t need two watches! Or even one watch, for that matter! Watches are unproductive members of society! They say they can tell time, but I can tell time without that kind of device! All you’d have to do is use my improved time system. But everyone is SO LAZY that they can’t be bothered to adopt a superior method! What’s hard to remember about it? If everyone ate dinner when it’s “I’m Eating Dinner Time” then maybe we’d have stronger families!

Loser Who Posted This: modenadude (via Flickr)

Loser Who Posted This: modenadude (via Flickr)

Burn the game right now! You will never be a disciple of loud and annoying music! Destroy it and get on with your life! We had better games when I was a kid anyway! You played with a broom! And it was called “Clean The House Before Dad Has Something To Drink!” You scored ten points if you were still conscious by the end of the night! It was fun! I play it with my son and he has so much fun that he can’t stop crying! STOP CRYING!

Loser Who Posted This: dalbera (via Flickr)

Loser Who Posted This: dalbera (via Flickr)

Why are you dancing? Your friends aren’t dancing — they’re waiting for you to realize you’re wasting your life! The ballet is not called “I Am A Dummy Who Is Dancing To The Sound of Me Not Having A Job”, so quit dancing it! Then quit dancing altogether! It will get you nowhere in life and you will not succeed doing it! Where did you get the idea that you could? An encyclopedia? Well, if you want to base your entire life on the “Oxford Book of How I Am Wrong” then go ahead!

Loser Who Posted This: lowjumpingfrog (via Flickr)

Loser Who Posted This: lowjumpingfrog (via Flickr)

You haven’t even written anything! You just scribbled a few lines and now you have writer’s block? What’s the matter with you? You couldn’t even write a single word? I’m writing right now! I am a thousand times better as a writer than you are! Did you think you’d be like J.K. Rowling? Maybe write a book about wizards being stupid? Here’s my wizard book – “Chapter 1! I was a wizard, but then I realized how dumb that was so I got a real job and now I’m worth something!” The End! Buy the audiobook because you probably suck at reading too!

{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

boomer61 October 7, 2009 at 12:40 am

So far beyond LAME, Bill O’Reilly is almost cool again, ALMOST…

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Mack May 14, 2010 at 9:18 pm

I had to comment on this, one of the stupidest things ive ever read

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jckenli May 14, 2010 at 11:55 pm

uber EPIC FAIL at trying to be funny….so embarrassingly unfunny.

FAIL/10

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jimmy May 15, 2010 at 12:35 am

this is stupid. what a waste of time :(

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You Suck May 15, 2010 at 2:26 am

This isn’t even remotely funny. You’re horrible. Please fall off a cliff and die in a fire.

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steven May 15, 2010 at 6:56 am

i had to comment as well, this is the worst shit i’ve seen… in my whole life, you need to go back to school because obviously they did’nt teach you anything. they touched you and molested your ass

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Not Funny May 15, 2010 at 10:14 am

How the hell did this even get featured?

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Lori May 15, 2010 at 6:19 pm

Was this an attempt at humor. Because I don’t get it. Not once did I laugh, not even a chuckle.

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cestall May 15, 2010 at 7:38 pm

Freakin stupid. Yeah, this LIST should be at the top of the list.

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Miguel Follet May 15, 2010 at 11:18 pm

seriously lame dude. Better luck on the next one.

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alex May 16, 2010 at 12:06 pm

this is so lame its on a scale of biblical proportions.
if the person who made this list is looking at all the comments everyhone has submitted, then you know you have only wasted your time and had gotten ridiculed for it.
please. dont ever use your time to make one of these again.
its more annoying than funny because all you have done is waste our time.

you suck. have a shitty day and go die.

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Mr_Fake_Man May 16, 2010 at 2:07 pm

THIS SHIT SUCKS

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Mikey G May 16, 2010 at 3:37 pm

This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen, all you haters need to go out and get jobs! This way you wont sit and look at things you think are stupid all day. Who’s the retard, the writer of this page or you, the dumba*s, who is sitting there checking this shit out?

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Roach May 16, 2010 at 7:35 pm

wow… log off the internet. Please.

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Miguel Follet May 17, 2010 at 2:36 am

a little harsh there alex. Dude was trying hard to be funny, it wasn’t but doesn’t mean he can’t try again.

but then again, I don’t know where he found the time off from his job to write this…

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farts May 17, 2010 at 5:34 am

boring

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mike May 17, 2010 at 2:36 pm

biblical fail. How could you write so much unfunny text? You just kept typing and typing. You had to realize that this wasn’t funny.

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Cosmicfish May 19, 2010 at 1:37 pm

This is an impressive bit of anti-humor. If you find yourself innappropriately chuckling, at a funeral for instance, recalling anything in this post will serve to immediately stop your laughter. Prisoners at Guantanamo Bay should be forced to read this every day, although prisoners in the US would be exempt because of the “cruel and unusual punishment” clause.

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mike May 20, 2010 at 12:06 am

Mikey G to answer your question, the author is the retard.

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alex May 24, 2010 at 8:53 am

who the hell thought of this shit

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ryan May 24, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Look at the title of the article. EVERYONE is doing EVERYTHING wrong. Ever think that maybe the Author is playing by the rules of his own article?

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elizabeth May 28, 2010 at 10:20 pm

just to let you know, this is incorrectly categorized under “humor”

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Rex May 29, 2010 at 4:11 am

Why the hell was this featured? It isn’t even remotely in the vicinity of funny!

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zeepo May 29, 2010 at 5:24 am

Lol at least the comments are funny

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Mr. E May 31, 2010 at 1:04 pm

That line about playing cleaning the house before daddy had a drink was pretty funny. lol

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mototagz com June 2, 2010 at 2:56 pm

not funny

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yeah June 13, 2010 at 1:41 am

Also the “this person is so dumb because they have two watches” picture? That guy was modeling the watches because they are His and Her watches… If you’ll excuse me now I’m going to find something else to do while I roll my eyes at this some more.

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Jonnyboy June 22, 2010 at 2:10 am

I found the comments section the most humorous part about this article.

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ashfaqueshah February 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm

nice good

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tl;dr March 21, 2012 at 10:21 am

That was so unfunny I’ve forgotten how I even got here.

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